Text: Chumbawamba. 81. Desmond.

British champion for fifty years
Easily beats all his challengers
Bored of always being the best
He'd rather be like all the rest
Miscuing shots and fluffing smashes
Missing the table and losing matches
Now with pressure from above
He was forced to carry on
"You're the best, don't you want to win?"
To which he replied with a cheeky grin
"I'm bored of always being the best
I'd rather be like all the rest!"

Desmond rebelled, now he plays for fun
He loses a game now and then
He enjoys it, though, playing for pleasure
Without the competition, without the pressure
Miscuing shots and fluffing smashes
Missing the table and losing matches