Text: Ivor Biggun. Let's All Get Demented.

When Mum locked me in the coal shed,
After the incident, with the chainsaw and the latex rabbit,
And the girl guides and the tent,
She fed me poundcakes under the door,
She gave me a radio!
I drool and smile and swivel that dial to the Doctor Demento Show!
I've stayed tuned in for twenty years,
But now it's plain as plain,
Oh, come on, Mum, and let me out!
Compared to 'im, I'm sane!

(Singing:)
Well, bless my little pointed head, I'm howling at the moon,
I'm nutty as a fruitcake when the Doctor plays my tune!
Dementions and Dementites from Saint Lou to Sacramento,
Know the weirdo with the beardo that the kids all call Demento!
Listen each week, and ya might just freak, and your senses will grow dim!
You'll hit that crackpot jackpot, and end up just like him!
Calling all the funny farms, it's crazy time again,
Bring out the beer, the doctor's here to scramble up your brain!
Oh-oh-oh-oh, he's the guy, the reason why your funnybone was invented,
If you're inclined to lose your mind, well, let's all get Demented!
Dee ee em ee en tee o! Doctor Demento!

He's the chap that Norman Bates would take home to 'is mum!
With songs about dead puppies, and fish heads, *eat up, yumm!*
Crazy words and Crazy Tunes, Spike Jones and a little bit of Punk Bear,
He don't give a $#%@ about Middle of the Road unless there's a dead skunk there!
Flo and Eddie, Cheech and Chong, and discs that won't go Platinum,
Sung by folks that they keep locked up so other folks can't get attythem!
Calling all the crazy houses, every padded cell!
I've run amok, I'm Donald Duck, *Napoleon, as well!*
My-my-my radio brings me that show that keeps me so contented!
I'm King of the Zulus, I've got a screw loose, let's all get Demented!
Dee ee em ee en tee o! Doctor Demento!

Exacaly A to Zackaly, it's Barnes and Barnes the goons,
Steve Martin, Shaving Foam and National Lampoon!
*They're coming to take me away, ha ha!* a geek with a neck like a pencil!
Monty Python, Loudon Wainwright, Gumby, Ogden Edsl.
Zappa and Elvira, and Weird Al Yankovic(h),
It goes to show that Demento is one weird son of a %*$#!
Callin' all around the world, it's time to get Delerious!
Try Dr. D! And then you'll see! *You cannot be serious!*
If you complain that he's insane, 'e'd be so complimented!
Don't touch that dial, go hogwild! Let's all get Demented!
Dee ee em ee en tee o! Doctor Demento