Text: Lancashire Hotpots (The). Never Mind The Hopots. Ebay 'Eck.

Deidre were the name of my first wife
And she really were the true love of my life
But she ran off with me best mate Jim
and I really do miss him
'cos we used go crown green bowling Tuesday night

Around the house I still see Deidre's face
In the nick-nacks that she left around the place
And my hearts in dis-array
So I'm flogging her stuff on e-bay
Yes ee-by-eck Ebay is really ace

And theres a starting bid of a quid
on the Bullseye teatowel
I got two bids in for the Ronan Keating hat
And there's two hours to go
On the Fred Dibnah photo
Yes Ebay's great for selling all your tat

Oh yes cocker the post it is free
On my Deidres Patrick Swayze DVD
I feel like c'auctioning my hat
But until then I'll start
By selling all her Right Said Fred CD's

Oh believe you me I'm auctioning the lot
Please check out all the feedback I have got
I'm selling Chesney Hawkes tour posters
And backstreet boys drink coasters
And a Bon Jovi mug that changes colour when it's hot, hot, hot

And theres a starting bid of a quid
on the Bullseye teatowel
I got two bids in for the Ronan Keating hat
And there's two hours to go
On the Fred Dibnah photo
Yes Ebay's great for selling all your tat

I've sold the lot and I feel empty inside
And my true emotions can no longer hide
But I'll tell thee summat for knowt
I've had a look in me PayPal account
There's two grand in there
I'm off to buy a Russian bride
Come on!

And theres a starting bid of a quid
on the Bullseye teatowel
I got two bids in for the Ronan Keating hat
And there's two hours to go
On the Fred Dibnah photo
Yes Ebay's great for selling all your tat