Text: Bob Mould. Classifieds.

Look through the classifieds, maybe I'll find a friend who cares
Decent and true but my interests are few
And how would I reply? Start with, I've never done this before

And all the chains that bind you
You might find they're just threads that float around
It's fun to fantasize through someone else's eyes

Every week I read the advertisements from start to end
Stable, mature but a little unsure
What am I looking for? Number 340's in here again

And like the characters portrayed in a play
No one ever stops to read
I have to say that this all seems strange to me

It's not that different from my life
Condense it down into five lines
Now I know the reason why these ads all look alike

How can anyone describe who they are in a page or less?
But desperately looking for someone I guess
But when the morning comes
Both of you will be scratching your heads

In the aftermath
Head to the bathroom to straighten up and then
You realize you forgot your toothbrush again

And what you saw in those five lines
Did it materialize?
Now you know the reason why
That one's in there every time

Look through the classifieds
Who's in the classifieds?
I'm through with the classifieds