Text: Shel Silverstein. Dirty Ol' Me.

Well I was sittin' up in my crane liftin' boulders in the rain
Can't get promoted no matter what I do
And when the foreman he comes around and he yells up from the ground
He says hold that load up there for a minute or two
Cause I got to check some gear down here below
So whatever you do with them rocks, just don't let go
Just don't let go, just don't let goooo
Sittin' by his desk 'n' drinkin' coffee it seems that he got hit by a rock or three
They're puttin' my name on the door, where his name was before
Oh dirty ol' me say dirty ol' me

Now my best friend confessed that his life had been a mess
Yeah when he was young he robbed the bank and then ran
But now he lives an honest life and he's got a lovely wife
But still it hurts to be a wanted man
But he said nobody knows about it but my friends and kin
And I know a none of them would ever turn me in
They'd never turn me in they'd never turn me in
I'm slouchin' on his couch drinkin' his whiskey
Well it seems somebody called the police on he
And between the hugs and kisses that I'm gettin' from his Mrs
I think oh dirty ol' me dirty ol' me

And then of course it follows I found a suitcase full of dollars
About fifteen thousand of 'em more or less
And inside there was a note that some poor old lady wrote
Givin' me her name and her address

And it said if lost finder please return without hesitation
Cause I've been savin' this money for fifteen years
Strippin' and sufferin' and takin' in washin'
Scrubbin' floors and sellin' flowers in the snow
And now I need it for a serious operation a serious operation a serious operation
Now I'm layin' on the beach in Acapulco got enough money to last till I'm ninety-three
And I'm eatin' enchilidas served by lovely senioritas
Thinkin' oh dirty ol' me thinkin' dirty ol' me

(Yeah I can't face myself aw y'know but when you really think about it
I mean that foreman I mean he had compensation and prob'ly could use the rest
And y'know my friend'll prob'ly feel a lot better
When he pays his debt to society and won't have that pressure on him
Y'know and that old lady y'know if there was such an old lady
It prob'ly was a false note anyway

But if there was she she can get MediCare they've got
I mean I'm not tryin' to make excuses or nothin' y'know I mean
I mean I can't stand to look at myself sometimes I mean
I-I feel the guilt honey pass me some more of that tequila
I 'm just tryin' to forget dirty ol' me
Yeah just move a little closer yeah
Some o'them frijoles I love frijoles yeah I want
Yeah I-I got the money right here yeah)