Text: Soundtrack Artists. Chip On My Shoulder.

Emmet: (Spoken)
Woah, Elle, What's up... Doc?

Elle: (Sung)
Love

Emmet: (Spoken)
Excuse me?

Elle: (Sung)
I put my faith in love,
I followed where it led.

Emmet: (Spoken)
Love led you here?

Elle: (Sung)
To my personal circle of HELL!
It has not worked out well,
I wish that I were dead,
Cuz instead of a wedding and love
I'm flunking out of school,
A total laughing stock!
Someone he and his friends can just mock.
So, go on, here's my head. Just hit it with a rock.

Emmet: (Spoken)
Wait.
Go back.
(Sung)
You came out here, to follow a man.
Harvard Law was just part of that plan.
Man, what rich, romantic planet are you from?

Elle: (Spoken)
Malibu?

Emmet: (Sung)
Instead of lying outside by the pool,
You stalk some guy to and Ivy-League school?
That's the weirdest reason I have...

Elle: (Spoken)
Oh, why'd you come?

Emmet: (Sung)
Okay.
I grew up in the Rocksberry slums,
With my mom, and a series of bums
Guys who showed me all the ways a man can fail.
I got through law school by busting my ass.
Worked two jobs in addition to class,
So forgive me for not weeping at your tale.

Elle: (Spoken)
Well excuse me, just because you've got some kind of chip on your shoulder.

Emmet: (Spoken)
You know what?
You're right.
(Sung)
There's a chip on my shoulder,
And it's big as a boulder.
With the chance I've been given,
I'm gonna be driven as hell.
I'm so close I can taste it,
So I'm not gonna waste it!
Yeah, there's a chip on my shoulder,
You might wanna get one as well.

Elle: (Spoken)
I'm sorry, but that sounds highly negative.
Wait!
Two jobs, plus law school?

Emmet: (Spoken)
I haven't slept since 1992.

Elle: (Spoken)
Seriously,
How do you do it?

Emmet: (Sung)
Well, I don't go to parties alot,
Not good use of the time that I've got.
Can't spend hours doing my hair, and staying in shape.

Elle: (Spoken)
I don't spend hours!

Emmet: (Sung)
But, I know that it'll all be worthwhile,
When I win my first lucrative trial,
And buy my mom that great big house out on the cape.

Elle: (Spoken)
Oh, that's so sweet!

Emmet: (Sung)
No, that's the chip on my shoulder,
I hugged my mom and told her,
With the chance I've been given,
I'm gonna be driven as hell.
Though, I can't take the day off,
I just think of the pay off.
You need a chip on your shoulder,
Little Miss Woods comma Elle!

Elle: (Spoken)
I just need to prove to everyone that I'm serious!

Emmet: (Spoken)
What you need is to get to work!
Where are your law books?

Elle: (Spoken)
Umm...
Well, I know they're here somewhere.

Emmet: (Sung)
You know, this vanity's real picturesque,
But it started it's life as a desk.
Clear it off and find some room for books instead.

Elle: (Spoken)
What are you doing?

Emmet: (Sung)
Can you live without this?
Can you live without that?
I don't know what this is...

Elle: (Spoken)
It's for hair!

Emmet: (Spoken)
Wear a hat!
(Sung)
Spend some time improving what's inside your head!
Out, Out!
Put it in storage,
Sell it on ebay,
Leave it behind!
Out, out!
(Spoken)
What?
Are you angry?
Good, so get angry!
(Sung)
You may find the chip on your shoulder.

Elle:
UGH!!

Emmet: (Sung)
The room just got colder.

Elle:(Spoken)
HEY!

Emmet:(Sung)
But with the chance you've been given,
Why are you not driven as hell?
There's just no way around it,
You gotta plow through till you've...

Elle:(Spoken)
Found it!!

Emmet:(Sung)
Been reading it hard, I can tell.

Chorus: (Sung)
'Tis a gift to be simple,
'Tis a gift to be free.
mmmm...

Elle:(Spoken)
Bye Warner!
Have a great Thanksgiving!
Say hi to your mom and dad for me!
And grandma bootsie.

Emmet:(Spoken)
Define malum prohibitum.

Elle:(Spoken)
Malum prohibitum is... um...

Emmet:(Spoken)
An act prohibited...

Elle:(Spoken)
An act prohibited by law like jaywalking or chewing gum in Singapore.

Emmet:(Spoken)
Therefore maluminsay...?

Elle:(Spoken)
Is an action, that's evil in itself.

Assault, murder, white shoes after labor day.

Emmet:(Spoken)
Good.
Where are you going?

Elle: (Spoken)
Home, of course. It's Thanksgiving break, remeber?

Emmet: (Spoken)
Interesting...

Elle:(Spoken)
What?

Emmet: (Sung)
Well, I predict you will probably pass..

Elle: (Spoken)
Yes!

Emmet:(Sung)
In the bottom percent of your class...

Elle:(Spoken)
What?

Emmet: (Sung)
If you're going for mediocre, you've done great!

Elle: (Spoken)
That's not fair!

Emmet: (Sung)
Look, they laughed at me like they're laughing at you.
We can't win if we don't follow through!
Might I venture, your vacation plans can wait?

Elle: (Spoken)
Why do you always have to be right?

Chorus: (Sung)
Gloria! In exelcis deo.

Elle: (Spoken)
Bye Warner!
Merry Christmas!
Enjoy Veo.

Emmet: (Spoken)
Ho Ho Ho!

Elle: (Spoken)
Emmet!

Emmet: (Spoken)
For you.
Not as good as going home for Christmas, but...

Elle: (Spoken)
You are too sweet.

Emmet: (Spoken)
It's a real time-saver.
Shampoo and Conditioner, in one.

Elle: (Spoken)
Thank you.
You are so adorable to think of me.

Warner: (Spoken)
Elle, hey.

Elle: (Spoken)
Warner!

Warner:(Spoken)
Have you seen Vivian? I've been looking for her everywhere.

Elle:(Spoken)
Yeah. I mean, no.

Warner:(Spoken)
Great.
We're gonna miss our flight.

Emmet:(Sung)
Um... Elle?
I don't know if you've noticed before,
But each time Warner walks through the door
Your IQ goes down to fourty... maybe less.

Elle:(Spoken)
Huh?

Emmet:(Sung)
Though it's hardly my business to say,
Could it be the real thing in your way
Is the very guy you're trying to impress?

Elle:(Sung)
Yes.
I've been smiling and sweet and thoroughly beaten,
Blowing my chance.
Let's not chase him away,
Let's face him and say,
Hey punk, let's dance!
This chip on my shoulder,
Makes me smarter and bolder.
No more whining or blaming,
I am reclaiming my pride.
Grab that book and let's do this,
Instead of doodling hearts all through this.
Now, there's a chip on my shoulder!
Let's see him knock it aside.

Chorus:
Aghhhh...Daughter of Delta Nu, show him that your no fool, Daughter of Delta Nu, go back to school with a big chip on your
shoulder

Warner:(Spoken)
Mr. Lattimer was clearly within his rights to ask for visitation. Without his sperm, the child in question wouldn't exist!

Professor Callahan: (Spoken)
Now you're thinking like a lawyer. Yes, Miss Woods.

Elle:(Spoken)
Mr. Hunnington makes an excellent point, but did the defendant keep a log of every spermemission made throughout his life?

Professor Callahan: (Spoken)
Interesting... why do you ask?

Elle:(Spoken)
Well, unless the defendant attempted to contact every sexual encounter to find out if a child resulted from those, he has no
parental claim over this child whatsoever.
Why now?
Why this sperm?

Professor Callahan: (Spoken)
I see your point.

Elle:(Spoken)
And, by Mr. Hunnington's standard, all masterbatory emissions, where the sperm was clearly not seeking an egg, could be
called 'recless abandonment'.

Professor Callahan: (Spoken)
Miss Woods, you just won your case!

Elle: (Sung)
Omigod! Omigod! Omigod!

Chorus:
Wait hold on we just won the case

Elle:
Omigod!

Elle got all over Warner's face

Elle and Emmet:
Omigod

Chorus:
I am starting to like this place

Everyone:
OMIGOD!!!

Professor Callahan:
Miss Woods, excellent work today.
I assume you're applying for my internship.
Do you have a resume'?

Elle: (Spoken)
I'm one step ahead of you.
Here you go!
And thanks in advance for your consideration.

Professor Callahan:
Dear God, it's scented.
Three months ago I would have recycled this, make sure to put it on file.

Emmet: (Sung)
Guess she got a chip on her shoulder,
Maybe some wise man told her
With the chance we've been given
We've gotta be driven as hell!
She was something to see there,
I'm just happy I could be there.
First big test, and she aced it!
She's so close she can taste it.
She got a chip on her shoulder!
Guess you never can tell
With little Miss Woods comma Elle!
No, you never can tell!
With little Miss Woods comma Elle.