Text: Ray Stevens. Vacation Bible School.

well, where i grew up in talapusa
when summertime came we all use'ta
go to a place called vacation bible school

we'd look up verses in the bible
make paper cut outs of the twelve disciples
and memorize the ten commandments and the golden rule

i remember once when my class made
a big ol' batch of lemonade
to be used by a student teacher at the sunday sermon

yeah we put in lemons, and sugar and water
and even though i knew i shouldn't ought'er
i put in some moonshine i got from my uncle herman

now that sunday dawned real hot and dusty
and to say the lease we were all real thirsty
and that seminary started hittin' that lemonade
and kept it well in reach

then to the best of my recollection
before the deacons were halfway through the collection
he stood up and drank from the pitcher and began to preach Ho!

oh the things we used to do
in vacation bible schoo'
when i was just a barefoot boy in dixie
if my mama had only known
even a half of what went on
she'd cut a switch off of a hickory
she'd a whipped me

well he told that samson didn't take no sass
and whipped the philistines with the jaw bone of an ass
but to tell the truth, he got all that just a little mixed up

i can't tell you exactly what he said
but the minute he said it every face went red
but he just paused, and kinda staggered and then he hiccuped

he gave botanical names for mideast flora
told ALL about sodom and gomorrah

and though his speech was slurred
it was very graphic

he used words i'd never heard back then
and even now i only hear 'em when
i'm stuck in a new york cab
in five o clock traffic

well the sermon ended and he didn't rest
he went right into the gettysburg address
and then a stirring rendition of casey at the bat

he did impressions of garbo and gary cooper
and i tell ya friends, i thought it was super
'cause for props he grabbed the organ players wig and a deacon's hat

oh the things we used to do
in vacation bible schoo'
when i was just a barefoot boy in dixie
if my mama had only known
even a half of what went on
she'd cut a switch off of a hickory
she'd a whipped me

well we never had heard any preachin' like that
and we never invited that young man back
but to tell the truth, i thought it was a pitty

but i heard he went up preachin' that day
and he gave up cussin' and lemonade
and went to selling aluminum siding in yazoo city

oh the things we used to do
in vacation bible schoo'
when i was just a barefoot boy in dixie
if my mama had only known
even a half of what went on
she'd cut a switch off of a hickory
she'd a whipped me